Suicide and Musique

 At one point in my life I thought about committing suicide. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my sophomore year in college around 2007. I had went through a bad break up and was dealing with church folks because of my sexuality.  I was stressed and under pressure because I felt that I could relate to no one and that I was going to end up in failure.  I felt that if God had abandoned me and I had disappointed everyone and everybody including God.
  I went in my dorm room and took about 4 sleeping pills and drank some liquor behind it hoping that I would die and hoping that I wouldn't wake up the next day.  All that happened was that I slept through a few of my classes for that day and was extra groggy for the rest of the day.
  At that point and time, I leaned on people's opinion and pleasing others in order for me to function. I even had so called men and women of God lie to me that I was wrong for being who I am and loving who I chose to love. I felt that after the break up I endured with my former lover, that I would never have that love. I was told by everyone that my sexual lifestyle was wrong and that I would burn in hell. I HATED myself.
  However, that next day, God woke me up and asked me "Bradley, are you going to let everything that I've gifted you with, invested in you, and put in you die and go down the drain." I immediately repented and cried.  I realized that by me committing suicide I would be denying others love and denying others my golden personality, love, and gifts.
  I thank God that the suicide attempt didn't work. I would've missed out on golden opportunities to see God move and opportunities to meet great friends and especially my Biological Mother and her side of the family.  I would've thrown away all of my dreams.
  Depression is real people. That's what I dealt with; depression and religious bigotry. For so long I was taught that something was wrong with me, until God told me himself that I'm wonderfully and fearfully made.  I've learned to love myself and to be happy how God has created me. If people have a problem with it, then they can take it to my Father.
  I thank God it didn't work and that I've found that Love is real in this lifetime.
Musique

Comments

  1. the universe has other plans for you :-)

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