Musique's Blues

Can I be real with you?  I deal with depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  I was formally diagnosed earlier this year.  Thankfully, I was able to enter into therapy after leaving South Carolina last year.  It was long over due.
  There are times in which I wonder what would've happened if I had gone to therapy years prior.  The PTSD comes from abuse in my childhood from an aunt that raised me as well as an abusive relationship. The depression is an effect of the PTSD. There are days where I do not want to get out of bed. There are days where I just want to give up on life, but there is something inside of me that tells me to keep pushing.
  As I progress into my 3rd year of transition and HRT and living as a trans person, therapy is needed. I must honestly say I am feeling progress.  Therapy does help. I want people to understand that a person recovering and dealing with depression and PTSD should be allowed time and not to be rushed into healing quickly.  Whenever someone heals quickly they may not heal properly and all wounds may not have been properly addressed.
  This is my reality.  I understand that as a spiritual person I have prayer and all that jazz, but sometimes people need Jesus and a therapist with no shame.  At one point I was ashamed to be diagnosed with depression and PTSD.
I want to be better, I do, but I understand that it is going to take time.  I wish other people that don't deal with mental illness understood this.
I am determined that I won't deal with depression for the rest of my life. I am determined to be a winner over depression. 
These are my blues that I choose to share with you.  If you judge me that is your problem not mine.
Much Love,
Musique

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