At one point in my life I thought about committing suicide. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my sophomore year in college around 2007. I had went through a bad break up and was dealing with church folks because of my sexuality. I was stressed and under pressure because I felt that I could relate to no one and that I was going to end up in failure. I felt that if God had abandoned me and I had disappointed everyone and everybody including God.
I went in my dorm room and took about 4 sleeping pills and drank some liquor behind it hoping that I would die and hoping that I wouldn't wake up the next day. All that happened was that I slept through a few of my classes for that day and was extra groggy for the rest of the day.
At that point and time, I leaned on people's opinion and pleasing others in order for me to function. I even had so called men and women of God lie to me that I was wrong for being who I am and loving who I chose to love. I felt that after the break up I endured with my former lover, that I would never have that love. I was told by everyone that my sexual lifestyle was wrong and that I would burn in hell. I HATED myself.
However, that next day, God woke me up and asked me "Bradley, are you going to let everything that I've gifted you with, invested in you, and put in you die and go down the drain." I immediately repented and cried. I realized that by me committing suicide I would be denying others love and denying others my golden personality, love, and gifts.
I thank God that the suicide attempt didn't work. I would've missed out on golden opportunities to see God move and opportunities to meet great friends and especially my Biological Mother and her side of the family. I would've thrown away all of my dreams.
Depression is real people. That's what I dealt with; depression and religious bigotry. For so long I was taught that something was wrong with me, until God told me himself that I'm wonderfully and fearfully made. I've learned to love myself and to be happy how God has created me. If people have a problem with it, then they can take it to my Father.
I thank God it didn't work and that I've found that Love is real in this lifetime.
Well many of you know that I have a BA in music from the great Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC. I graduated in the Spring of 2009 and that was one of the happiest days of my life. However, Fast Forward 4 years later and I'm not wear I desire to be but I am getting there.
This past weekend, I've resolved it within myself to go back and pursue my Masters Degree in Music or go for cosmetology once I get settled in DC. Now a little bit of background about cosmetology. When I was a little boy, I wanted to do hair. I would try to style my sister's baby doll's hair or imagine myself with some intricate hairstyle and modeling on the walk way, but sad to say I let good old Society's gender roles hamper me from that dream. I was told only women and "Funny Men" did hair. Even in college when I attended Hold My Mule Holiness I was told "men don't do hair. They get talked about." Well honey people are gonna talk regardless so why not give them something to talk about.
If I knew then what I know now I'd probably have my own business. However, even as a musician gender roles, much to my chagrin, chased me. As a male singer, I was expected to cover male artists all the time and not female artists and I love me some Phyllis Hyman, Dorinda Clark Cole, Patti LaBelle, to name a few. However, now that I'm grown, I'm going to do what makes me happy. Not my family and not church folks.
This move to DC is very important to me and I do believe that I'm blossoming here and I'm going to further blossom when I move. However, I will further my music career by taking classes concerning audio production, music business, and other aspects, however, I still want to do cosmetology. I refuse to let a childhood lie and dumb people tell me I can't do what I desire to do. I can actually see myself owning a hair salon and doing not only hair, but make up as well. I learned a few things other than music while in college and from being a female impersonator for a while.
I do also plan on taking some acting classes as well. I want to get back into theatre, however, I'm taking it one step at a time. That's why Destination DMV is important to me. I can't stay in this place any longer. It is time for this little bird to fly and get away from Egypt.
Honestly going back to school will do me some good. Now I am dreading the application process. I haven't applied to a college in Ten Years...DANG I'm Old lol However It will be very rewarding.
One thing that I've learned in life is that we all make mistakes. This is a lesson learned by many. However, It's shameful that people always hold our mistakes against us when we've learned from the mistake. On a recent installment of my Youtube Show The Bradley Show I discuss humans and their easiness to make mistakes. Check it out Y'all,
What is anticipation? Anticipation is the expected waiting, the act of looking forward that something is going to happen with excitement. In our childhood many of us anticipated our birthdays, Christmas, Summer vacation, or that favorite relative visiting. No matter what age we are we always have a period of anticipation.
With the impending move (Destination DMV), I am anticipating so many opportunities, a change of scenery, and a liberty like never before. I'm anticipating what live holds for me. I'm anticipating resurrecting a career in theatre, really further my music, and really own my own business. I'm also thinking of going into cosmetology. I'm quite handy with make up and know a little bit about hair. This new liberty is something much needed.
However, in order for me to get there, I'm making sure that I have my finances together and that all things will work hand in hand for me. That's why many of you may have seen a link called Destination DMV. That's a crowdfunding link. If you see these words highlighted or any other words highlighted in red that is a link that is meant to be clicked on. However with Destination DMV I'm raising money to help me move to DC by March 22, 2014. I've gathered my living space and I am still working on the job situation. I am keeping you all abreast of what is going on with the move. I pray that all goes well.
I can feel a great change coming as I proceed to do something that was to be done back in 2007, but I let some old bigot Christians stop me from doing what was right for me. I was told not to move because a friend that I hold dear to my heart was using me, which was a lie. However, I've moved on and I'm doing what I need to do for me.
This is why I'm anticipating a liberty to live, love, and be free, like never before. -- ♫Musique's Poetry♫
One thing that is constant in life is change. People change, Time change, and seasons change. Seasons have no choice but to change. Seasons are transitions or different periods in which we live, rest, blossom, and die to certain things.
This morning as I prepared to go to work, I began to think about the various seasons of my life and the different things I've experienced in each season. I began to think about the friendships that have come and gone. Relationships that have blossomed and then died. I also began to think of loved ones gone on. I even began to reminisce on past glories.
Each friendship, relationship, and life had a purpose and a meaning. In Ecclesiastes we are taught that everything has a season and a reason for being and happening. The friendships and relationships that came and are now gone were here to teach me something and build character. They were created by God to open my eyes and experience different types of people and how to handle various situations that life may hand us.
Each person that has come and left on that glory train was sent to teach me how and how not to live. It's all apart of God's plan. Since each event has a season, which means it has a set time to be apart of my life, I've learned not to get upset when a season ends. Although the transition may not be comfortable, I am thankful because it caused me to reach for better and to go higher than the stars.
Even with life long friendships and relationships seasons change. "Why," you may ask. People change. We all grow and mature. We learn more about ourselves and our existence everyday. If you don't grow or learn something new then that means you're becoming stagnant in a particular season and you have gotten comfortable.
Each season is meant for you to grow, not stay in park!!!!
Gay bashing is a touchy subject and is a plague within the LGBT Community. Many of us have stories to tell about being gay bashed. I have stories too. Many of us have been bashed by family with words, physically with violence, and even by the church.
Well on Sunday evening during an outing with friends I was actually verbally bashed. My friends (and I'm changing names to protect identity) were heading out to celebrate my brother, Cal's birthday that is this week, and we decided to get all done up and gussied up and go out to have fun at one of our favorite spots. While Cal and my friend, Troy, were dressed in urban wear and the latest fashion, I decided to go as what we term in the LGBT, Ballroom scene, Butch Queen. Butch Queen means that a dude does not does full drag however, wears female apparel which may include heels, a nice feminine shirt, and the proper accessories.
Many of you are familiar with this term from the hit documentary "Paris is Burning," it which it talks about the New York Ball Room Scene. A lot of times Butch Queens are fashionably daring and can make an outfit work when it is done right.
Well my outfit of choice were some red thigh high boots, skinny jeans, and a fitted shirt, that had the shredded back with the word "love," on the front. Cal, Troy, and I decided to go to McDonald's by "The Spot," to get something to eat before a night of celebrating and grooving to our favorite hits. Well as we walked into the McDonald's, the cashier greeted us, but then we hear this Black man saying "read your Bible."
I saw him, but I didn't see him because he was talking on the phone and I figured he was talking to someone on the phone.
He then looks at me and says "You're a sick motherfucker. You're an abomination to God. You need Jesus." Troysays "how dare he call you an abomination and you can quote the Bible better than him." I wanted to say "and that cotton you're wearing is against God as well, asshole," but I paid it and I continued with my order and talking to my friends. The cashier asked him to leave as his friend escorted him out of the door.
It pissed me off, but I refused to let it damper my fun. I was kind of reluctant to walk outside until I knew the coast was clear because I really did not feel like a confrontation with a religious bigot about how God made me.
As we walked outside, an older white couple told us "We made sure that they were gone." I thanked them for being so kind. Apparently the episode pissed them off too.
The Gentleman of the couple stated "I can't stand people who do stuff like that. You weren't bothering him and I think you look fabulous." We ended up making it to our destination safely and We had a great time. What really irritated me is that he quoted scripture as means of hatred and to discredit God's wonderful creation. He obviously missed the scripture on judging others and using profanity.
I think this happens periodically to us bloggers. Especially those of us who do not cover current events, but try to stay true to ourselves. Sometimes all the current events bore me. Don't get wrong. They are important, but I am constantly bombarded with it on a daily basis and I don't want to do what everyone else is doing.
It is so much that I could write about, but I'm at a point to where I don't know what to write about right now. I hate having writers block. It does happen every blue moon. That's a part of life.
I guess for one reason, I do have a lot on my mind. I've been so busy working and preparing for my move to DC, that I haven't even had time to myself. I've also been so immersed in other things. However, today I actually began production on a song entitled "Free." It deals with me emerging as a Black Gay Man and It has released some tension for me. Hopefully one day I can set a platform for LGBT Artists of all Genres.
Before I go don't forget about Destination DMV. That is where you can all contribute in the move to Washington D.C. You can click on the picture below. I am doing things tactfully however, That extra push or help is necessary. Well I'm out.
I hate days like this when I get caught up in my feelings. For some reason the last 24 hours haven't been "happy time" for me. I'm feeling frustrated and agitated. It basically a feeling of unsatisfaction. I'm going for my dreams and I'm going for my goals, but nothing seems to work out the way I want them to. I'm beginning to dislike my surroundings. I'm waiting to exhale, but I feel as if I'm about to burst.
Not to mention that it seems like I'm always in a prison. One issue is that I'm single and everyone around me seem to be getting into relationships and I'm stuck in "single mode." I ain't gonna lie, I'm doing me and accomplishing things, but I would like someone to share it with. Is that too much to ask? I'm just unsatisfied with where I'm at. No matter how hard I try to change it, it seems unchangeable.
I've prayed and I've prayed and I refuse to cry. Maybe I'm trying to hard and focusing to hard on what I don't have and where I can't seem to get to. Why? It's just annoying. I just feel like I have a hole in me. I feel empty. I'm trying to make sense of it all, but I can't seem to do so. It's like I'm not longer happy with where I am currently in my life.
I pray and hope that I'm not depressed or going crazy. That's the last thing I need right now. I honestly feel that a change of scenery is necessary and needed right now. Where would I go? I don't even have time for myself anymore!!! When I do try to take time for myself it makes everyone else mad and I get reprimanded saying that I'm selfish....Didn't Jesus take time to himself?
Can I for once be happy and not feel like a total piece of crap?
Dang, I'm unsatisfied!!!
Meet Johnathan, Dakota, Danny, Ian, and Patrick. They make up the crew of Edugaytion. In their series The Bottom Line, they hit hard hitting topics such as sex, religion, music, and other topics that affect not only the GLBT Community, but the world as a whole.
In a recent video, the crew along with special guest, Anthony, the crew discusses being Gay and handling yourself in a professional manner. They discuss how and how not to act when you're in a professional environment and basically how to carry yourself as a member of the GLBT Community. Click HERE to subscribe and click HERE to follow on Twitter. Get into the video below.
Many of you know that I have plans on moving to the Washington D.C., Maryland, Virginia area. Please help me as I set forth my goal to leave the South. No, I don't hate the South, but there are somethings I must do for me. ClickHereto support Destination DMV. You can also click on the image above. Thanks,
When I look back over my life, I see so many blessings and things that God has gifted me with. I am happy to be along this far in life. I've started this blog, accomplished things in the religious world, music, and I'm not done yet. I know that so many things are about to happen in my life.
I love the fact that God looks out for his own. I am thankful that He's never let me fall by the way side. Just thinking about my adventure to DC to support a friend and the opportunities that lie in me moving from one place to another astounds me.
However, I will miss my home, my family, and my friends, I've got to complete this move for me. I even have bigger plans for this blog. I'm not gonna reveal those plans just yet. However, I do see big things happening outside of this blog. I've learned that you've got to see the things you want before they come. In your seeing those things, you begin to work towards those things and you will see them appear.
Just know that it will take hard work. Never feel that it will come easy. It takes work to accomplish your dreams.
Here lately, I've been working on some music. I still have plans to be a happily eccentric singer, drawing people to Christ as well as to other people. Despite what traditional religiosity has taught us, God loves us no matter what. Why would He hate what He created? Anyway. I know God will make my name great. With Grammy awards, Tony Awards, and other accolades or without them, I shall touch lives and prosper at what I do. I'm gonna live my dream.
Hey Guys Check out this Article I found on MUSED Magazine. The article offers tips and gives you perspective on How to Date a Feminine Man. MUSED magazine is a magazine that gives voice to today's Black Gay Man. Click On the MUSED Magazine Logo below or the RED, BOLD, TITLE Above to read the article. Love ya,
Hey Family and Friends,
It's just another day in my fabulous hood. Today it is raining and You know how I don't really do that rain. The rain often times makes me feel blah and depressed and makes me wanna just sleep all day. It seems as if my parade has been rained on.
The bright side to this is that no matter how much it rains, the rain is there for a reason. The rain comes to make things grow. So it is with trials. James 1:2-3 states that we should count it all joy when rain or trials come because we know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Whenever trials come they come to build character and to strengthen our faith in God and ourselves.
Have you ever found your self in a rainy place and felt like it couldn't get any better, but you decided to press on and make the best of it. Sometimes we must look at the brighter side of things. We are surviving the rain and the storm. Why? Because God is with us. He said he would never leave us nor forsake us.
The rain's purpose is to resurrect things in our lives that we thought were dead and to bring refreshing to us when we really need it. The rain has purpose in your life. There are brighter days ahead.
What can I say about 2012? I've had breakups, make ups, shake ups, and just plan good clean old fun. Many of you know that the last few years have proven to be of me finding myself and really discovering who I, Bradley aka Musique is. 2012 has been a year of awakenings and confessions. I've had struggles and things to transpire, but I'm still surviving.
For 2013, I have plans to move to Maryland, repair my credit, and find myself getting out of debt. I also plan to keep myself healthy. I've decided to alleviate as much stress as possible. That will start with ignoring a lot of my family. For some reason, my family feels that their opinions are suppose to scare me. NO MORE!!! That ended in 2010. My life hasn't been better. Unfortunately , I'm living with a bigoted, hypocritical Christian relative, I just move on with my life and continue to do me. This is a goal that I have set in 2013; Continue to live and to get away from my kindred.
I've lost people in 2012. I've lost friends. I've gained friends. Heck, I've even gotten in touch with my naturalist side of life. I've even managed to say "No" to some people and things. I've reconnected with some people and I've learned a lot of truths in 2012. I wonder what 2013 brings. 2013 brings nothing but blessings and miracles untold.
I could focus on the relationship that I don't have. The money that I don't have, but whats the use? I am still going forth in this life. I am thankful for what I do have. If I'm faithful over what I have then God will make me ruler over many things. I look for the best in 2013.
Sweet Baby Jesus and a Gay Unicorn, it's Black Friday!!!! NOPE I DID NOT GO SHOPPING!!!!
I actually am not doing a lot of Christmas shopping this year. Why? Because I really can't afford it this year. With preparing for my move to the DMV next year and trying to get myself out of debt, I really haven't thought about Christmas shopping.
Since it's Black Friday, I refuse to get myself out there with all the other crazy consumers and risk my life by having to beat hell fire and damnation out of someone for taking something out of my buggy or trying to trample me out of greed. So Guess what , It's Black Friday!!!!
Well as you all know, President Obama has won 4 more years in the Presidential seat. I am proud and I am happy. I knew that he could pull it off. It was a stressful event, but in the end Victory was one for this country.
However, the morning after it seemed crazy. Here's a video about my experience at work and some other tidbits concerning the Bradley Show