Complications of Life

    Life can be complicated at times. It really can. Sometimes we try to find a balance, but we soon realize we can't be everything for everybody and we can't be less that the best. In life we have the ups and downs, but through it all we manage to survive.
  Life is complicated. There is no way around it. In this life we have to make sure we take time out for ourselves and get the proper rest.  There is a balance.  Even when it comes to failed relationships and attempts at relationships, we must let those be learning experiences and teach us what we deserve and what we should not put up with.  When it comes to the past, It may have hurt you, but it made you stronger, wiser, and better.
  These are the complications of life.

Just Say

Just say the truth.
Just say the words that you feel.
Just say I'm not what you want.
Just say it.
Don't lie.
The truth hurts, but say it.
Just say I'm better than you.
Just say it.

The Price of Fame

  What is the price of fame?  That has been something that has been on my mind for the last couple of days.  Many of you know that I'm a singer and aspiring music artist.  I've often felt that since I do a lot of Spiritual music, that my sexuality and lifestyle would be a hindrance, however, I must keep some aspects of my life private.  

  The more I deal with wanting to become a world class musician, I realize that some aspects of my life will have to change and somethings I may not be able to do.  I realize that there is a price we must all pay for fame. Our business will be out there haphazardly and paparazzi as well as messy anus people will always have something to try and bring us down with. Especially when they are jealous.  

  The Price of Fame could be that you really have to live your life for the people which I really refuse to do. What to do?  I guess just continue to be watchful and mindful of my actions. No I don't have an album out yet. Yes I have some musical recognition, but a little gay boy like me dominating the industry? Who knows!!! I will succeed. I will be okay, but I refuse to sell out like so many other artists.  I wonder if that's the real price of fame. Losing one's self.

Single: A Year Later

  This past Thursday, April 5th marks a year of me being officially single.  I really didn't give it much thought, until I sat at my desk and looked at the clock seeing that the date was April 5th, 2013.  My mind went back to that night in which my now ex ,"Caramel," sent me a text saying "I've tried, but I can't do this anymore. Your personality is too much for me.  Its over between us. It was fun while it lasted." 
  I couldn't even respond at first.  I was hurt because I had put so much effort, not to mention I had given him myself in ways that I hadn't given to someone in a long time.  His reasoning for the break up was because I'm  "too gay and fem."   Imagine that. Not to mention he made it seem like I was a cheap carnival ride.
  My response was "Thanks. You could've been real and told me via the voice or in person.  Its good to know that you are a coward." and I moved on.
  Normally, thinking about a break up brings up bad memories and tension, but I was actually and I'm still in a good mood.  That break up taught me, that if someone can't accept me for me, then they are not worthy of me.  Granted I've been on some dates and ventured into some endeavors with some potential suitors, but either they are on that playing games side, and then some want me minus the femininity and my entertainer alter ego.  Its been a year since I've been single and I'm happy.  My life can't do anything but get better.
  Although I'm 27 and currently single, I'm not sweating it. I'm still young.  I have a music career and other things to focus on right now and I know in due time that I will have the mate that I desire.  I'm in the preparation stage of my life. I know what I want and what I don't want. Also I have God on my side. Things will work out fine.  I'm enjoying my freedom and getting me together.
  365 days of being single and I'm still here.  I haven't gone crazy and I'm not relationship hungry.  It would be nice, but hey good things come to those who wait.
Smooches,
Musique

He Shall Do a New Thing

  New things have been happening. For starters, I've gotten a new car.  I had to put my old Toyota down.  I ended up getting a new car.  I had to step out on faith.  God says that He will do new things if and when we trust Him.  Through all of the things I've been through and even with the tests of my life right now, God has been proving himself to me.  He's never left me nor has he left kicked me to the curb.  Granted I've been through some tests and trials in recent weeks, but I'm finding myself happy. God is doing an awesome work and I thank Him.
  Over the last couple weeks, I've found myself planning for my future.  I've had to leave some people behind and I had to just to be honest with myself and see that my life is changing and so am I.  Some of my friendships and close knit relationships have changed.  I've come to the point that some ties must be severed.  I've got to move on to my future.  With me moving to the DMV later this year,  I've put a lot of things in perspective and I am continually putting it in perspective. Well I'm out,
Musique

Late Night: HIV, Friends, and Life

  It's late Thursday Night/early Friday Morning and I'm still somehow awake.  For some reason I have a lot on my mind.
  The last few months have been a challenge.  With me finding out that I'm HIV positive, I've had some mental struggles.  I felt as if I would lose friendships. So far I've seen that my friends around me are true friends indeed. The main challenge is that I've only told my mom within my immediate family.  Its a different experience for me.  Knowing that I could be on meds for the rest of my life scare me, but I'm thankful to have that support system.
  Even in the dating scene, I've ran into some donkey's butts, but I've ran into guys who are really educated on HIV and AIDS.  You have some guys that feel if they even look at an HIV positive man that he's automatically got it.  Please come out of the dark ages people. Even people who are somewhat educated even feel that you have to use Lysol of someone who is HIV positive touches something. When will we let the stigma's go!!! I had someone tell me that since I'm HIV positive, I have to wash my dishes with bleach.  Well that's not what I was told.  I wonder where the hell that came from!!!!
  I'm living healthy and I'm free from man's opinion.  HIV is just a light affliction. Just like with anything else in life, I trust God to bring me through it.  God can and will do anything but fail.  I guess with church people, HIV is a curse, but I still yet trust God.  I understand that He has a better plan. Well I guess that's all,
Musique

The Rain's Purpose

  Hey Family and Friends,
  It's just another day in my fabulous hood.  Today it is raining and You know how I don't really do that rain. The rain often times makes me feel blah and depressed and makes me wanna just sleep all day.  It seems as if my parade has been rained on.
  The bright side to this is that no matter how much it rains, the rain is there for a reason.  The rain comes to make things grow.  So it is with trials. James 1:2-3 states that we should count it all joy when rain or trials come because we know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Whenever trials come they come to build character and to strengthen our faith in God and ourselves.
  Have you ever found your self in a rainy place and felt like it couldn't get any better, but you decided to press on and make the best of it.  Sometimes we must look at the brighter side of things.  We are surviving the rain and the storm. Why? Because God is with us.  He said he would never leave us nor forsake us.
The rain's purpose is to resurrect things in our lives that we thought were dead and to bring refreshing to us when we really need it.  The rain has purpose in your life.  There are brighter days ahead.
Musique

They Will Love Your Absence

  I've learned that when people just walk away without cause, it happens for a reason. Sometimes in life, we have to allow people to miss us in order to appreciate, the love or the value that we had in their life. Check out a recent video from the Bradley Show Below

Me and HIV

  It's a Monday and as usual, this week has started off well.  I dare not complain.  Over the last couple weeks, I've been getting acclimated to my new living environment.  Things are much better than when I was living with dear old uncle. I've finally gotten the liberty that I needed.

  I'm finally free to be who I am.  I admit that I have been slack because so much has gone on in the last few months. For starters, in November, I found out that I am HIV Positive. As many of you know HIV is the virus in which your immune system has been compromised. If not treated it could possibly lead to AIDS.

  I went in for routine testing right after the Thanksgiving Holidays.  I will never forget that day.  The tester/counselor that I'll call Mrs. Lady and I were laughing and talking but we were serious when it came to the testing procedure.  Of course I went in for the Mouth Swab.  GO figures, I live in the Upstate of South Carolina, so you know it is some what primitive.  

 Well after about 20 minutes of waiting, Mrs. Lady came back with one of those looks.  I could tell that she was remaining as professional as possible.  She sat down and Mrs. Lady told me news that I thought I would never hear.

  "Mr. Musique, your test came back positive," She said.

  After that I had tuned her out and I began to pray within myself and talk to Yahweh.  I realized that some of my actions had led me to this point, but surprisingly I was at ease.  It's not that I was accepting the stigma that all gay or bisexual men will contract the virus, it was just a "wow."

  As apart of the routine, of course Mrs. Lady asked if I was homicidal or suicidal, which I was neither.

  My reply was "I just wanna go home and eat,"which caused her to laugh.  I left the office and I called my God parents and talked with them.  They helped me put me at ease as well as my Bishop and Best friend.

 I couldn't bring myself to be upset.  However, it did cause me to be silent for a couple of days. I cried the next day on my way to work because I could hear some things that were told to me at a church in which I was gay bashed. I had a so called Prophet tell me that I would catch AIDS and die. It was rough and although I just tested positive, I knew that it was just an event in my life,  but I knew that their curses weren't going to affect me.  

  It has been a lot to deal with right off, but I know that God is walking with me and that He isn't leaving me any time soon.  I am standing on HIS word that by HIS stripes I am healed.  I am thankful that HIV is not the death sentence that it used to be.  I do believe that we are close to finding a cure for this pandemic.  However, I am thankful that I was well educated in my teens and I continually gain knowledge.  

  Although I am positive, I remained optimistic that all shall be well. This is not my end, this is just my beginning.

  

2013: The Beginning

 What can I say about 2012? I've had breakups, make ups, shake ups, and just plan good clean old fun.  Many of you know that the last few years have proven to be of me finding myself and really discovering who I, Bradley aka Musique is.  2012 has been a year of awakenings and confessions. I've had struggles and things to transpire, but I'm still surviving.
  For 2013, I have plans to move to Maryland, repair my credit, and find myself getting out of debt. I also plan to keep myself healthy.  I've decided to alleviate as much stress as possible.  That will start with ignoring a lot of my family.  For some reason, my family feels that their opinions are suppose to scare me. NO MORE!!! That ended in 2010.  My life hasn't been better.  Unfortunately , I'm living with a bigoted, hypocritical Christian relative, I just move on with my life and continue to do me. This is a goal that I have set in 2013; Continue to live and to get away from my kindred.
  I've lost people in 2012.  I've lost friends. I've gained friends. Heck, I've even gotten in touch with my naturalist side of life.  I've even managed to say "No" to some people and things.  I've reconnected with some people and I've learned a lot of truths in 2012.  I wonder what 2013 brings.  2013 brings nothing but blessings and miracles untold.
  I could focus on the relationship that I don't have. The money that I don't have, but whats the use? I am still going forth in this life. I am thankful for what I do have.  If I'm faithful over what I have then God will make me ruler over many things. I look for the best in 2013.

The Love of Pi

  The love of Friends and Family is very important to me. Especially at this point and time in my life.  I've ran into a brief health crisis.  Since I've found out that I'm dealing with an illness, which I won't disclose at this moment, I thank God for a special blogger. He is Thaddeus "PiMusique" Works of the PIMUSIQUE EXPERIENCE.
  Mr. PiMusique is a mentor and a great friend to me.  We may not get the opportunity to talk everyday, but his conversations and advice is very beneficial.  Throughout my waiting on results and readings. He was there and is there to encourage, make me think long and hard, and to correct me.  For that I am thankful.  Words really can't explain how I feel right now to have not only PiMusique, but some key people in my life that support me, even when my family decides to act dysfunctional.
  I just want to say thank you to my mentor, Thaddeus aka PiMusique for everything,
Love ya,
Musique

Where I've Been

 

  Many of you have noticed that I've been a way much of this week.  Thank you all for your love and concern.  This week I've been busy working, churching, and actually resting some.  It has been much needed.  I have been feeling burnt out and stressed, but however, I am making it. I am determined to survive this week's challenges. 

  This week has really been a challenge concerning my body.  I've been fighting colds and crap.  I am healed in Jesus name!!! I refuse to be sick, however, I know when to get rest.  Just chiming in for you all,

Musique

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dsx1hRsw6oBaby I'm out on limb!!!

Back on the Road Again!!!

  Hey Guys, as of this past Monday, I am back on the road again.  Many of you know that my car had broken down in September. However, I am glad to report, that I'm back on the road again.  I am so glad to have some sort of freedom back!!!  I doubt that I will be a road hog like I once was. I am glad that I did have some down time.
  Have you ever had a point in your life to where you were unable to move from a particular spot? You had to work from that particular area that you were in and it seemed that you had to depend on yourself.  Sometimes when we are in that life, we have to have faith in God to get us through. It may seem like all hell is breaking loose and it isn't getting better but we must have faith that it is getting better. That's how you get back on the road again. Love ya,
Musique

Relationships Are Like Garage Sales

Hey There,

I know that I said that I was taking a break from blogging, however that is hard thing to do right now.

  I was on Facebook and someone posted a picture saying that "Relationships are like yard sales. You see stuff you want from afar, but then up close its a lot of shit that you don't want."

  That is a true statement.   Have you ever found yourself saying you wanted to be with a person and you've gotten to know that person but only to find that it all isn't paradise?  It happens more than you think. Many times people will put on a front or charade as if they are one way ; nice, hard working, loving caring, but later on all hell breaks loose and you often wonder what happened.

  You've entered into this relationship, under the pretense that the person was a dream come true however, as you settle to the "garage sale" up close you've realized that you've ran into self esteem issues, insecurities, and excess baggage that isn't yours to deal with.

  Whenever you're in this situation, the best thing to do is run like hell!!! However, if there is potential there you can try to help this person by getting them to talk to someone and helping them work through it.  Showing that person with all the garage junk that you care enough to help them clean the clutter out of their life could be a big step and it could show them that the world isn't all bad.  It could also show them that they are worth it as well as the relationship.

  The flip side is that the person with the baggage may feel that you saying they need help or you want to help them may make them feel inferior or incapable. If this is a constant struggle, then your best bet is to move on and get out of the relationship.  Just simply leave the garage sale before buying anything.  Some of the items can contain roaches and honey you don't want roaches in your house.  Again,  "Relationships are like yard sales. You see stuff you want from afar, but then up close its a lot of shit that you don't want."

A Day's Thoughts 11/25/2012

  As I sit and write this blog, my mind goes to some plans for next year.  As many of you know, I'm a musician with a degree in music, but due to my environment I have let it just go to waste.  I've made a decision to go forth with my music career. Its gonna take some work, but I'm willing to do what I have to do.
  As I write this blog, so much is on my mind.  I could right about the fact that I'm single and I'm often times approached my married or attached men or the fact that I've been stood up twice here lately.  However, I really don't care to write about it.
 To be honest, sometimes I feel that I'm gonna forever be single.  I'm 26 and I have yet to have a relationship that lasts beyond 4 months to a year.  My last relationship didn't even make it two months, but that's a long story I'm kinda not wanting to tell.
 Right now, I feel a little burnt out, but I'm still determined to make it through this test and trial. I do believe that all shall be well.  
On that note, I'm out.

Is There Any Way ?

  For the last couple days I've been wondering, "God is there any way that I can make it."  I just been there.  With warning a friend that a step that he is about to take is dangerous, it seems as if he made the step regardless of warnings not only from me but from several other friends.  I am hurt because I see the road in which this friend is about to take. What do you do when you try your best to keep someone from making a mistake?  I guess let them learn the hard way.

  It's difficult sometimes when you want so much for a person to stay on the right path and they won't listen. I guess because I've been there and have done that.  I just don't want this person's reputation to be stained by a messy queen, nor do I want my friend's feelings to get hurt while he's reaching his dreams.  I guess I just need to let go and let God and stop talking.  I do pray that he will see what's what before its too late.  Lord, Is There Any Way that this person will listen to me.

  I guess everyone must learn on their own, but its hurtful to see someone hit a brick wall. God help me. I'm trusting you on this.  Lord Don't leave them and Don't leave me.  I know you won't. Lord I thank you that all will work out for the good of those who Love You.

I Am Strong: Moving Next Year

"You are strong,"  I say to myself on a daily basis.  I realize that I am strong.  Even though the last few months, I've been dealing with my own private hell and dealing with some woes, I realize that I am stronger than I thought.  I've been literally singing the late Whitney Houston's "I Didn't Know My Own Strength."

  What should've killed me and would've killed others, just simply made me strong.  I've been fighting depression not from me personally, but from a relative.  I've been fighting their negativity and a whole lot of other things. Granted they are helping me get back on my feet, but I'm tired of having to hear their constant nagging whenever I try to live my life.  It wouldn't be so bad if I had a car, but right now I'm down on my luck with no car, working a job that really doesn't afford me a lot of funding, but I am yet thankful for what I have. I am thankful, but what do you do when you really need a change? But I didn't write this entry to complain.

  I've been strong to the point to where I feel like I'm getting weak.  I thank God for being my strength in my weakest hour.  His strength is made perfect when I'm weak.  God knows I've been praying for better for quite sometimes and I know that he hears me, but when is my change going to come.  I guess I gotta do like Job and wait.  I am patiently waiting.  Just like my momma nem taught me, You can't Hurry God. You really can't.

  In the waiting you will know that you can find your strength and know that God is with you.  God will make a way out of no way. I'm just trusting and believing in him.  Don't forget to support this blog by clicking below. Love ya, 

Musique.

I'm Not Entertaining Today

Today is a different day in my life.  I can't explain some of the changes that I have been going through, but it's all working for the good.  Many of you know the situation that I'm dealing with concerning my living arrangements.

   I just got in from Church not too long ago and my dear old uncle is just nagging just because I decided to check my email and relax before another event for the day.  Here lately concerning him, I have not been entertaining him. I'm just gonna let him gripe and moan about nothing.  

  I do my part when it comes to keeping house and what not. What more does this fool want?  Really? I stopped caring a long time ago.  I'm just not entertaining punk bootiness today.

You're Just Pushing Me (Repost)

  One thing that I've never understood in life is the reason why some people feel that if they don't help you or if they kick you while your down that you won't get back up.  That's one thing that is the hardest for me to fathom.  I've learned that sometimes you when getting back up, you'll have to do it with God and yourself.
  The reason why I say "God and Yourself" is because now days, people will let you the crap down!!! Right now I'm facing a little slump.  My car broke down on Mommy Day and people that I thought cared really gave me their butt to kiss. I ain't gonna lie, it hurt, but I refuse to let that bother me.
  I'm just going to simply allow it to push me to do what I have to do to show those who dissed me after I've sacrificed for them, that I can make it without you and that you're just pushing me to my destiny.  Whenever people walk away at your time of need, that only shows that they are leaches and leaches we cannot have.  I'm thankful that certain people have opted not to help me. That way I won't have to owe their sorry behinds anything.  I'm tired of doing for people and then when I need help, they are no where to be found.  It's a new season and a new day for me. I'm about to work and do what I have to do.  If you would like to contribute to my car fund click on the link below. Thanks,
Musique

October 2009: A Powerful Month

  As this month ends for 2012, My mind goes back to 3 years ago, 2009.  I was a college graduate living in Rock Hill, SC.  During that time, my cousin P-Nut had passed and it had began to be a turbulent month.  I had also began dating a nice gentleman and I had began to accept my own sexuality, despite what so called Christians around me had me thinking.  I was forced to dress a certain way, act a certain way, just so I wouldn't be prophesied that I was going to hell or dying of some sort of disease. That's another story for another day.
  In this month, I had just began a new job and I was working two jobs and I had began to come out of a financial rut.  However, that grace period was to be short lived.  I had to end up quitting the lesser paying job and stick with my better job, however I was being used by Church people and I was being abused mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
  It was at that point to where I stopped caring about what religious buttholes had to say and I began to find God for myself.  However, I ended up fully coming out in May of 2010.  That was a joy for me. October 2009 was a different month for me.
  After the loss of my cousin, I began to really understand that life is precious and that we must live it to the best of our abilities.  I realized that for too long I had been living for other people and by man's opinions instead of living for myself. Within the last few years, I've been making steps of breaking free of the bondage.  This October has been a new month.  It's had its challenges, but I've survived it and I realize that I am a different person inside and out.  My life has changed so much within the last few years I am grateful.  I've found myself and I'm loving this exploration.