In my lifetime I have heard and experienced the unfortunate cliche “,hurt people hurt people.”
This simply means that people who have been hurt at some point in their life lash out and inflict emotional, mental, physical, and sometimes even spiritual pain on those around them. It could be that certain words are triggers, certain phrases can set a person off or that people simply accomplishing certain goals can cause the person who have been hurt to lash out.
Many questions may come to mind. One question may be “why do hurt people hurt others when they can heal or get help to heal that hurt.” Well, that is easier answered than accomplished. When a person is hurt they tend to internalize the role as a victim. If a person has been victimized with in a great trauma, often times they carry around the weight of that hurt and the pain and use it as a defense mechanism. The hurt that was done to that person may have caused them to feel insecure which can and will affect relationships and sometimes cause them to jump from one relationship to the next without effectively dealing with the pain and healing.
In my experience, I’ve also learned that when people are hurt it causes a distrust of people in general. There is an idea or perception that everyone is out to get them. Therefore, before that person gets hurt they seek an opportunity to inflict pain or “hurt” someone to further protect themselves.
When a person is hurt, and I’ve been there done that myself, they tend to busy themselves with entertainment and in some cases unhealthy methods such as drug abuse, self harm, and violence in order to cope. This centers around the nature and accommodation of them to feel good about themselves and be happy with themselves.
When a person seeks validation in people or things, it will cause them to do things for the drive to accomplish something great. Unfortunately this can cause issues when relating to other people. It is unfortunate that hurt people carry around this hurt, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
The first key to overcoming the hurt is to acknowledge the hurt. You must acknowledge your feelings and acknowledge your emotions. Trust me it is a process that may cause you to shed some tears, but tears are not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of release and freedom. When you acknowledge that you are hurting then you are able to move the next phase of healing from hurt.
The second key to overcoming the hurt is to forgive. This may take some time and it may take one getting counseling or professional guidance in forgiving and healing from the hurt or pain that was caused. Un-forgiveness can cause bitterness and can cause a personality change towards people. This will cause a person not to allow people to really care and love them for who they are.
Another key to overcoming the hurt is to recognize that you are an overcomer already and that you survived. By carrying around hate towards the person that hurt you and a vengeful attitude towards humanity. Keep in my mind that the hurt didn’t kill you. It may have temporarily halted some things, but think and look at where you are now and where you were when the hurt took place. More than likely the person that hurt you has moved on while you are still worried and angry. You are still giving that person that person the power over you and your life.
This brings me to my last point. When you allow what that person did to hold power of your spirit and emotions, then you are not free. You must take control of your life by forgiving and telling yourself that you are powerful and that you are an overcomer among them!!!
If you have been hurt and it seems difficult, there is no shame in talking to someone or even entering counseling or therapy to get total healing. The therapists and counselors are here for a reason. It is time to be free from hurt. It is time for your heart to heal and time for the cycle of the continuation of hurt to end.